Today after picking my sister up from swimming, i went to get gas. My light was on for a while and I desperately needed some fuel. I went to the gas station and i began pumping my gas, as I walked back to my car I remembered I had left my purse at home. I had forgotten all my ways of paying for the gas I was pumping, and I was super embarrassed. I walked guiltily to the lady at the counter, who I am distantly familiar with because I always purchase my gas from the same gas station. I explained the situation and how far away my house was, explaining that I could leave my sister there until I came back (Meagan had already agreed to the plan). The nice lady behind the counter protested saying that it was fine and that I could just come back and pay later. She had no reason to trust me, but she did. She didn't make Meagan stay or even make me leave anything to come back for, she simply let me leave. Getting back in the car and driving home, Meagan and I talked about how easy it was for her to trust me, we didn't understand why she didn't want some kind of proof that we would come back and pay her.
It amazes me how trusting of people we as humans are. Yes we use lots of caution but we generally trust the majority of the people surrounding us. For example, I eat out with friends quite a bit and people cook and serve us our food, it easily could be poisoned but we trustingly put the food in our mouth.
These types of situations really make me wonder why I don't trust some people, or things more than I do. I have the hardest time trusting my Heavenly Father with simple things I would allow a human to deal with. I hold onto certain parts of my life so that God can't or won't "mess them up" or do something I wouldn't want him to do. While I can sit back and leave my car at a car shop with the keys, trusting that they will not steal my car, I can't trust my Heavenly Father to provide me with friends at school or simply keep me safe. I take my paths or ways, praying along the way asking for help, but not surrendering daily with minor (but especially major) decisions.
Surrendering.
Probably the hardest thing for me to do. Not surrendering half-way or allowing God to have part of my plans, but completely on my face before him, in awe of his majesty and trusting him and allowing him to do whatever he wants with my life.
Whatever HE wants, not necessarily what I want.
I want to be honestly surrendered everyday, not just when it is convenient and when life is easy. I want to trust God more than I trust myself, I want to become like Christ who in the garden could have taken the crucifixion into his own hands but he instead trusted his Father, who knew the entire plan of what came to be, my Salvation.
It's hard for me to not plan out my entire life and be disappointed when God changes my paths, but I need to trust him more and know that he has my best interests in mind and he knows his plans for my life.
I shouldn't need physical proof to have God earn my trust, I just need to rely on him for anything and everything, daily.
"Don't put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there. When they breathe their last, they return to the earth, and all their plans die with them. But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the LORD their God."
-Psalm 146:3-5, NLT
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