learning to enjoy the ups and downs on this roller coaster of life

I haven't posted in almost a month, and there really is reasoning behind it. The stuff God has been showing me and the things he has been revealing to me are much to personal to post on any kind of blog, viewable by anyone and everyone, so I have settled with writing in my personal journal and being content with that for the past few weeks. 


I am home again now. When I look at my life, I live in two completely different worlds, and they are each entirely confusing, and thoroughly opposite. I will be working so hard on fixing one part of my life at school and God will be speaking to me so clearly there and making and shaping me into the woman he wants me to be and then, BAM. i come home and even though that problem isn't even all the way completely fixed, God throws a curve ball at me and shows me another part of my life that I need to work on and fix, something I thought I had completely in line with His will. 
School is overwhelming and I have made decisions in midst of stress that I wish I had taken more time to process. At school my life goes 9782346 miles per hour and here it seems to go -487 instead. My thoughts are so confusing and things around me are constantly changing. 
God is so amazing, in the midst of all my confusion. I know he has a perfect plan for me and all i need to do is trust him. I've been learning how to listen to him more clearly, because sometimes its hard to see whether my emotions are doing the talking or whether it truly is God speaking to me and urging me to do something in my life, and to change, or to just accept something in my life as the way it is going to be, and stop trying to change it. Maybe what I'm experiencing is completely in God's will, the timing was just all messed up. 


As I look back on my first semester of college, it was a roller coaster. And not just one of those little kid roller coasters either. It was one where there are warning signs all over the entrance and the operators strap you in really tight with one of those waist bars as well as a pull over bar because there are so many unexpected flips, turns, ups and downs.  I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but there were definitely times where I've been screaming in fear of what was going to happen, because I honestly thought the roller coaster car had completely gone off track! There have also been those times where I was sick to my stomach wishing I had never gotten on the ride in the first place, if I had only chosen a smaller hill to climb up first, or if the track only didn't go so low... I couldn't live in the if's and maybe's though. And I'm glad I realized that. After all, God created this roller coaster I've been experiencing and he knows exactly what I need to grow and change through. 


A verse I have been clinging to lately is Colossians 1:24 which states, "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church." Matthew Henry puts it like this in his commentary, "we suffer on other accounts; for we do but slightly taste that cup of afflictions of which Christ first drank deeply. A Christian may be said to fill up that which remains of the sufferings of Christ, when he takes up his cross, and after the pattern of Christ, bears patiently the afflictions God allots to him." When I think about how vast the pain and how large the trials Jesus faced were, I become so humbled. As a Christian I am supposed to be like a little Christ, always becoming more and more like my Heavenly Father, while still accepting my insufficient abilities to be perfect. I am always so amazed at the way God shows me how great his love is for me, and how undeserving I am of it. 


Also in Romans 8:26-28 Paul states, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." As a girl, living in this fallen world, I am weak. Not just today, not just this year, but always. In Greek translations the word weakness reads as asqeneia, which is usually translated as infirmities, weakness, or failings. This word also means "to understand; to do things great and glorious, [or] to bear trials and troubles." How amazing is this to understand that weaknesses are good, they are God's way of showing us that we are not perfect creatures who can accomplish anything. Without weakness we would have no longing for a helper, one to help us up when we fall, one to heal us when we are hurting. I am so thankful for my weaknesses and how God is using them to reveal to me more of his majestic will for my life. I do not know and will never know exactly what I need in each moment or how to fix problems in my life, but the Spirit does, God does know. I am so encouraged by the last part of this small passage because it is a promise, not just to me but to all who love Him. "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." How encouraging! 
So, no matter which part of the roller coaster I find myself on today, or which turn I hit tomorrow, I know that God has a plan for it all in the end. Through my asqeneia he is going to conquer all. 


"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" -Romans 8:31

repetition, repetition, repetition... repetition.

So it all began with Clayton King, who is an author, and one of our campus pastors at the college. He has been teaching on generosity in campus church on wednesday nights and how it is important to be generous with the things God has blessed you with. I took a lot from his message the first wednesday, November 3rd. It was awesome and had to do a lot with action and how we can be generous easily because we are so rich in Christ and in Spirit. 
Then the wednesday before I left, November 17th, Clayton spoke a second message on generosity and specifically from 2 Corinthians 9:6-11. He spoke primarily about how we are to bless others to spur them on to bless more people in the world, and how we are God's stewards of His finances, and His time. Then again, at home this time... my home pastor, Bill McCready spoke on the EXACT same passage. 2 Corinthians 9:6-11. He took a different approach, not opening with generosity but opening with the idea of leaving a legacy to be remembered by, then he led into generosity about how generosity and good deeds are the two key factors in a lasting legacy. And THEN.... this morning, November 23rd, I opened my devotional, which has just been going day by day for a while now and right there the title states, "A Lasting Legacy." 
Obviously God is trying to show me something. 
So I thought I should share a little about this with you. 
People are watching us, and will continue to replay our lives over and over again throughout history. The mark we make on this world is important and it is our responsibility to manage that impact. I, personally, have been blessed beyond my means. God continues to give to me and I try to obey by giving as much back as I can, trying to bless others around me with my time and also with my money. Sometimes I get weary though, I think it might be easier if I just kept the money for myself, for a smoothie later, keep the time for myself, in order to have some "me-time," i can always bless others later, right? Wrong. 
We should always be looking for ways to bless other people around us and seeking opportunities to further the Kingdom of God. To leave a lasting impression on the world, not of us, but of Jesus Christ. 
In Psalm 78, David states, "What we have heard ad known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done... so the next generation will know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." 
As it is shown in this passage, we are to be proclaiming God's great works he has done through his children all throughout history. We are simply the pages of tomorrow's history books. We have a calling to make an impact, so let's do it. As the body of Christ, let's all join as one and make movements in this world that we never could have imagined on our own. Trust God and have faith. 
"...but if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20


God has trusted me with so much in this life, and he doesn't give any one of his children more than he can trust us with... I ask myself today, "how can I use what I have today to further the legacy of Jesus Christ, to be a testimony of his awesome power in my life?"


My God is so good.

True overexcitement...

“Look, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him! So shall it be! Amen. ‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.’” –Revelation 1:7-8

How awesome are these words? How amazing is the promise God has made to us that his son Jesus will one day return again!?

As I sit here, on an airplane, anxiously awaiting my arrival at my home, to see my family who I haven’t seen in 3 months, I begin to think that there honestly is no larger excitement that I have ever experienced in my life. I am honestly overjoyed right now at the concept of seeing my family in less than an hour! As I focus and watch the minutes pass slowly and try to keep myself busy so the time passes quicker, God began to reveal some things to me.

I am so excited to see my family, who I have an amazing relationship with and I love them so much. Then God really convicted me, why am I not anxiously awaiting Christ’s return with the same jubilance and excitement each and every day? As a believer I should be constantly filled with joy and excitement for the return of my Savior or for the opportunity to return to my permanent home, in heaven.

This whole concept reminded me of a song by Carrie Underwood, many of you have probably heard it, it’s called Temporary Home and in the lyrics Carrie states, “This is my temporary home, It’s not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I’m passin’ through. This is just a stop, on the way to where I’m going. I’m not afraid because I know, this is my temporary home.” How amazing is that attitude! As a Christian I should be always awaiting my return to heaven and also be preparing for that change in my life.

So often I find myself worrying about small things in life and becoming stressed out… It’s like somehow I forget how BIG my God really is. How can I do that? My God is greater than any problem on this earth and I should always be awaiting his miraculous return and I should be preparing myself always for that day. Just as I would pack in preparation for a trip home and print out my plane ticket, I should have my bags packed and ready! Awaiting the return of my Savior, my King.

 “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17

My God is so good, he is so amazing.

I await his arrival with joy in my heart, with excitement, constantly in anticipation of his return for his children!

Please be blessed today, find your joy in the Lord and in his awesome powers and in his magnificent glory! 

But if you'll really hold me tight, All the way home I'll be warm

I just drank the best cup of hot chocolate I think I have ever had in my life. Today, its raining and I walked back up to the dorm after a lovely lunch with Breanna. I am so encouraged by what God is doing in my life and how he is using people, and using little, seeming meaningless things, such as a cup of hot chocolate to brighten my life and lift my spirits. 

It is so easy to go through life complaining, being upset when things don't go my way, and just trying to change every little detail of life around me, but that is so pointless, so meaningless. 
I love taking in the little things in life, like the flowers, like the cool breeze on a hot day, or a warm cuddly blanket on a cold rainy day such as today. 
God is so refreshing, so renewing each and every moment of everyday. 


"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints." - Psalm 52:8-9


God has blessed me so much and continues to bless me. He is so worthy of praise and thanksgiving, he never ceases his blessings on his children. The book of Psalm is so full of praises, so filled with David's cries out to the Lord and of God's mercies on him. I love how honest David is with God, and how clearly he states his requests and his motives. I want to talk to God like David does. I want to always come to God with my praise and with a heart that is thankful but also be completely honest with him. Because He really is soooo amazing, he knows our deepest thoughts but he still cares to hear about what is going on in our lives. He has put us here for a purpose and I am so amazed by the way he speaks to me so gently.


"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands." - Psalm 138:8


God has provided so much for me in my life and so often I walk right by blessings as if somehow life just lent me a hand, but it is always Him! It is always GOD who blesses me, and I need to continually thank him. 
This reminds me of a time when I was sitting in the courtyard with a friend, we were simply talking when a guy walked out of one of the hallways. He had a huge smile on his face, and knelt down in the grass next to the building and proceeded to pray, I assume he was thanking God for whatever had just happened. How awesome is that? How beautiful is the testimony of someone who goes through life thanking God for the good, but also thanking God for the bad!? 
We deserve NOTHING in this live. We deserve death. A miserable death... but we don't get it! We will never have the death we deserve! God has redeemed and restored! All because of how much he loves... He loves us soooo much.


As I was sitting here on this chilly day, I began to think about cold weather and I thought of a song which is sung around Christmas time. I usually wouldn't dare mention Christmas before Thanksgiving but I thought it seemed appropriate. The song is "Let it snow," which I'm sure you all have heard. Well, in the song, it is obviously talking about a man and a woman and how it is cold outside, but one line of the lyrics goes "but if you'll really hold me tight, All the way home I'll be warm..." 
Now if you take that out of context and think about what it is saying, how awesome would it be to sit in the arms of our Heavenly Father every single day on this earth!? How amazing could it be if we just would lean back and feel the warmth of his unfailing love, clinging tightly to his glory and his mercy until we arrive at home. I am getting a glimpse of the majesty of that moment as I continue to seek him more and more. He fills me up and warms my soul, he comforts me in every way and gives me the warmth to make it home, to heaven, safely. My Heavenly Father is so majestic but He is also so personal. He holds me, as his child, as his princess, in his arms... He comforts me, He gives me an indescribable joy about life and about all that surrounds me. I am so blessed. I am so honored to be called a child of God. A daughter of the Most High. How amazing... 




Psalm 150-
"Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

When the light is yellow, please DON'T speed up.

1 Corinthians 10:11-12 (MSG) 

"These are all warning markers - DANGER! - in our history books, written down so that we don't repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel - they at the beginning, we at the end - and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

God is so faithful and he has set out warnings in our lives to warn us of what to be careful of, ways people can easily get off track... I find myself questioning why I don't more clearly listen to these warnings. Why I don't more clearly seek the advice of my Heavenly Father in his word!? Everything is so clearly laid out, so specifically set forth, all we have to do is pay attention. 

I love the way the Message version lays out those verses so blatantly. Its amazing how sometimes we simply need a "God-smackdown" because we get so far off track! 

This passage continues in the NIV as "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 

How amazing is our God!? He truly is faithful! He has the reputation for it, he can get me out of anything he puts me in! He is trustworthy, completely trustworthy. 

I need to trust in his warning signs and trust that even though it might be more convenient or make more since at the specific moment, in my brain, to speed through the yellow light or to take a shortcut clearly marked "DO NOT ENTER" it is NOT smart. Obviously. 

God has a clear and perfect plan for me and my full desire is to follow it intensely, not wavering away or thinking that I am "above temptation," because I clearly am not. No one is. 

Again in 1 Peter 5:10, Peter tells us, "The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make your strong, firm and steadfast."

He is so good, and his plans are perfect. 

These passages are exactly what I needed today and what I need to cling to throughout times of trial. He is forming me into the woman that He wants me to be, not who others want me to be. I'm so amazed by how he has blessed me and how he continues to show me the right paths to take, while closing the doors on others. 

One of the most important things that I need to realize and that I feel everyone needs to realize while they are going through trials is that the enemy knows we are more vulnerable when we are removed from our support systems! You wouldn't go into a battle alone, would you? Then why are we trying to fight alone?! Our trials, and the temptations we are facing in this world are not just ours... Others are struggling, and others need encouragement as well. Cling to one another and spur each other on towards good works. 

As it says in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

The trust and honesty of good friends is becoming so real and so valuable to me. I am so amazed by how God is using people in my life to encourage me and to help me through difficult points in my life. I am so thankful for all He has blessed me with and all he continues to reveal to me.

Be encouraged but please be wise, the growing pains you are feeling now will soon cease and you will be stronger than you ever thought was possible. 

We stand together in this battle, we are all as one. 




Some more encouragement I found this morning is found in Matthew 7:7-8, Revelation 3:19-20, and 1 John 5:14-15.
God is so good. His lessons and his love is new every day!

When you jump off of a mountaintop, it hurts.

I feel it now too, 

I'm in the valley, the other side of the mountain top. I've arrived. 

It's not a good feeling, looking back at the mountain top, and i feel like I simply jumped off. 

I didn't slowly walk down the mountain, the high point in life, no. I jumped. Jumped high, with only one place to go; down. 

I was warned, over and over. but then again, i asked for this. i want to be broken, i want to be refined. and refinery hurts. so now i'm in it...

God is trustworthy. 

He has my life planned out and knows exactly what he is doing. 

So as James says, "consider it pure joy..."

Joy isn't happiness and I always overlook that. Joy is only found in God, and when walking with God, happiness will not always be accompanying me. 

As the verses go on, James reminds me that testing of my faith will develop perseverance. 

The Oxford English Dictionary defines perseverance as a "constant persistance in a course of action or purpose." I love how when God needs to teach me something he always gives me the strength to endure whatever tests he wants me to complete. Jonnie Moore also talked about this in campus church yesterday. God needs to test me to make me ready for my mission, to prepare me for the ultimate task that I will complete for His glory. 

I also turn to 2 Corinthians 4:16, where Paul is telling the church not to lose heart. Basically not to give up, not to be discouraged because this time will pass. 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I am so encouraged by this small passage because it is so true. Although all of this does matter, it actually doesn't. Not in the big scheme of things... My seemingly "huge" problems are nothing to God, and my small problems are even less, like a tiny little ant hill on the driveway of heaven. 

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as your follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." -Romans 15:5-6 

no noise, please.

I need somewhere to vent, I need someone to talk to. I need to be able to fully express myself and for someone to completely understand what I'm talking about.

I sit here, on my bed, with headphones in my ears. soundproof headphones. no music playing. nothing. just no noise... nothingness. 

I feel like I can't even hear myself think these days, I have 800 different opinions filling my brain. 

I knew who I was when I came here, and I thought I was continuing to grow, change, and mature into the woman God wants me to be but it seems I have hit a roadblock. This stinks. My quiet times are rushed and filled with wayyyy too many requests. I continue to plead with God instead of listening to Him. I want Him to show me so much, I want to be in his will so bad, that I'm over-thinking everything. I always over-think everything. 

I don't know how to stop. I think too much about thinking too much. how does that even make sense!!!? 

My name should be Cathy, Chatty Cathy, because I have felt the need to talk soooooo much. Maybe it is because yesterday and the day before, I was sick, and I didn't talk that much... well yesterday, I didn't really talk at all, until last night when I wasn't sleeping. Talking isn't bad, itself, but it's when you keep talking about stupid pointless things that you think too much about and then you stick your foot in your mouth... yeah that has happened multiple times today. many times. quite a few. dumb. 

Life is getting so complicated. Or maybe I just make it overcomplicated? 

I think I need to chill out. 

Take a chill pill. 

Maybe I just need a vacation.

A vacation from my brain!

Ah ha! YES!

I'm sorry to whoever is reading this... I really probably should get a journal, so I'm not wasting your time. 

Also, in a journal I could write down specific things that I need to vent to myself about. I guess having a journal makes sense. Ahg. I just don't think I'm the type to journal. I mean i would, but i can't.

I've already talked about why I can't journal. so i'm not going back into that. Read my earlier posts if you are curious. 

Wow, it's really nice, just having peace and quiet in my head. I love these headphones right now, they are really allowing me just to escape the world. Oh, and I just remembered that mom got me ear plugs! I think I'll start using those during my quiet times... :) 

Anyways, back to what God has been showing me... I rely WAY too much on what other people think about me and being a people pleaser. I let people completely walk over me and I don't ever say anything about it. I let other peoples opinions rule in my life, not necessarily in what I actually think, no, I never let another's persons opinion actually change who I am, but I do allow it to change the way I act. I think that it's easier to be who people want me to be rather than be rejected for who I am. that is NOT good. Not at all. I hate that I think that. I am Jaime Skilling, and I need to be who God created ME to be, not who all these random people in my life want me to be! I'm so done with this. 

So to all you people out there who want to control my life, tell me that you know God's will for my life, try to explain to me the right thing to do, how to act, what to say, what I'm doing wrong,

STOP! 

I have been hurt too much, too deeply by you. You can not control me any longer, I will not believe the lies that you have instilled so deeply into my head. Your words are nothing in comparison to what my Heavenly Father thinks of me! I am a precious child of God and my Father can and will protect me and keep me through anything this world throws at me. 

I am going to be above these thoughts, Satan can no longer use your words to hurt me, to bring me down. 

From now on, I am going to stand above others thoughts of me, I am only going to turn to God's opinion and His alone. I will seek wise counsel, but I will not be affected by the negativity and discouragement of this dark world. I am God's princess and I need to start acting like it. 

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior... Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life; do not be afraid for I am with you..." -Isaiah 43:1-5

blessings in every form...

Today, October 27, 2010, it is my 18th Birthday. Looking back, I've wondered what this day would feel like, how i would act, and what I would say and do, but never, never in a million years did I imagine it would feel like it does. Honestly, I don't feel older but for some reason i feel much more thankful than I did yesterday. I realize how blessed I am and how incredible life truly is! 
I can't believe the vast amount of blessings which have been placed in my life and how much God has continued to bless me, through my disobedient times, through my disrespect but also through times where I am walking in step with His plan for my life. 
And that is exactly where I am right now, at the center of God's will for my life, and I know it! I have no doubts that I am living the way God wants me to be and that I am being obedient in my decisions right now. As I continue to seek His majestic face and learn more and more about His word, He reveals himself more vividly and clearly. I never knew how amazing God's hand in my life could be but I am beginning to understand and experience what it feels like to allow God to control my life and to guide me and bless me when he chooses to. And he always chooses the appropriate times for things! He knows when I need to be sharpened, when i can handle the pain but also when I need encouragement and He knows exactly what that encouragement and love look like. He is amazing and I am so thankful for who my God is and all He is doing and continues to do in my life! 
God has blessed me abundantly these past 18 years, especially in my family and my home life! My parents are absolutely the most amazing people I have ever met and I am so incredibly thankful for all they have done for me, how they have invested into my life and how they have helped shape and refine me into the young woman I am today. I look up to my mom and dad more than anyone else on this Earth because they both have honestly lived out an amazing life and have been awesome examples to my sister and I. I am also incredibly blessed by my little sister! Her joy and silliness are both things that encourage me and keep me happy about life in general! The strength of our family life inspires me and makes me want to please them and reach high standards more and more! I love them so much!

There are so many more things in my life I am thankful for including, my friends, my school, the opportunities I have to do missions and to share the gospel, the amazing freedom to worship God and to learn about Him without being scared for my life..... ahh, the list goes on and on. I am just so amazed by Him and His awesome power and strength in my life. I also am so blessed by the little beauties in life, like sunshine, rain, smiles, laughter, music and ah, well just so many blessings are surrounding me...


Since God has blessed me so abundantly, I realize that He wants me to bless others as well! I need to be consistently be getting my cup filled by the Holy Spirit and other believers but also continue to pour myself out into other people's lives! He is so amazing and deserves to be exalted in my life, each and every day!


"I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints." -Philemon 1:4-7 

as notes of music flow off the page...

I haven't listened to my itunes in a while, but today i thought it was time to open it back up and listen to some music. I'm not sure why I haven't been listening to a lot of music while here at college... I'm thinking that it is because I am either always with friends, at a church service (with amazing worship) or doing homework. Well, whatever the reason is, i opened my itunes and put it on shuffle. I have a lot of different music on my itunes but the first song it played, of course, was a love song. I haven't listened to many love songs lately and it kind of got me thinking... Music is a key to the heart, an entrance into emotions which otherwise wouldn't be revealed. Some people use music to woo a loved one while others use the music to vent in anger. Lately, the music I've been listening to has been all worship music, which is amazing. I love exalting my Heavenly Father in all I say and do, especially through my music. God has been revealing so much to me lately, and I continue to find myself in consistent praise of His touch in my life each day. The other thing I have remembered as I listen to the melody of each of these songs and think deeply about the words that each artist sings, is that God sings over us. Wednesday night, in campus church, Dr. Gutierrez talked about the vast love that God has for each one of his children and specifically of how God knows us so deeply and personally. He referenced Psalm 139, which is probably one of my favorite sections in the Bible, and showed what our reactions should be when the Spirit wants to take control in our lives. According to him, our first reaction should be praise. I completely agree with this statement because I believe our God delights in our music, in our voices (good or bad) and most of all, delights in our heart of worship. Ahhh, i love hearing people sing in other languages. it delights my heart and Spirit to see the way that God loves diversity... I'm just so amazed by all He is capable of. So amazed. 


"I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will comment your works to another; they will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. All you have made will praise you, O Lord; your saints will extol you. They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." -Psalm 145 


I worship Him because He is worthy of praise. I commit myself to living for him, for my life to be a constant love song, written for my Father. The only one worthy of praise, the only one worthy of all my heart, my love, my life, my abilities. He should be praised, he should be exalted and He will be. He is my rock and my salvation. I rejoice in him as a grow and learn, I thank Him for his hand in my life. 


My prayer is for all others, may you seek His face. May you truly worship with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. Live for him and make your life a love song, exalting and praising your creator. 

traveling near and far

Yesterday I went to the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York with a group from LU! It was extremely exhausting and i just got back to campus about 2 hours ago, but I can not go to sleep. I'm so amazed by what God is doing in my life, I just can't sleep! 
So yesterday's conference was called "A Day of Renewal" and the title definitely fit the events! We arrived in NYC around 6am and then went out to breakfast, around 8:30am we went to the Brooklyn Tabernacle learning center and had an amazing time of prayer and fellowship with our Heavenly Father, we also had a teaching and a large group devotional which was amazing! I had never done a large group devotional, and it's not at all what I had expected to see! Everyone began by praying aloud and then randomly people from all over the room would read scripture, begin songs and pray. It was amazing. After that session we went over to the actual Brooklyn Tabernacle and we had another amazing time of worship, prayer and teaching. The Brooklyn Tabernacle itself is AMAZING! I was completely in awe of how beautiful this church was and how amazing the art was. After this session we went out for pizza in a New York Pizzeria! It was delicious. We then made our way down to Times Square (riding the metro there of course! :) ). Times Square was overwhelming but awesome all at the same time. There was so much going on and so much to look at, I felt like I needed to take a picture of every single little thing because there was so much going on. After wandering around Times Square a little bit, our group ran into 2 men who were speaking about the Bible, but they were speaking about it incorrectly. The guys in our group began talking to them and speaking to them about the Bible. They had very similar views down to very small situations, but the biggest matter that was the problem is that they did NOT believe in a relationship with Christ. Our entire group tried to witness to these men and as I read scripture that God had laid on my heart I felt the real feelings of spiritual warfare. I'm not sure when the last time I had felt that way was, but it was real and others in my group confirmed it. The two men were named Arcemedies and Antony. It was heartbreaking to see how sure they were of their facts they could pull from the Bible yet so unsure of what exactly the Bible was saying! The two men would proof-text, which is pulling random scriptures from random places in the Bible, making one point from different verses, ignoring the story around the verses completely. Throughout trying to prove to these men why Jesus is salvation and he is the ONLY way for salvation, my spirit became weary. The guys in the group asked if they could pray for the two men and they strictly said no and that prayer is between "your God, and you, only." This last comment made me even more skeptical of these two men and what exactly they stood for! I have met so many non-Christians who would appreciate a prayer or two, even if someone doesn't believe in God, wouldn't they want Him on their side... just in case their atheistic views are wrong? I will continue to pray for these two men and I pray always that others will be put into their lives and will be able to share the good news of Christ with them again! Leaving Times Square, our group was in shambles, talking about the men and what we had said, and how God can use the little things we said for good in the long run. It was amazing and I grew way closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ through witnessing to these two men. We then arrived at the Brooklyn Tabernacle for the final service of the day, which was a Prayer Service. It was amazing how everyone in the entire, HUGE church could worship on one accord, and how beautiful it sounded. We worshiped, prayed and worshiped again. I loved how the Church all came together as one, and it wasn't even a sunday morning! I wrote down many of the requests of my heart and many that had been laid on my heart that day by the requests of the Brooklyn Tabernacle congregation and pastoral staff. I was so amazed by how God's Spirit surrounded that place, in the midst of darkness, He was there! 
God is so powerful, so amazing, so worthy of all our worship! 
He is all knowing, unchanging, so loving! 
He has a plan and a purpose for me and I am committed to following it all the days of my life. 
I am excited for what today brings, what tomorrow brings, and what the years to come bring! 
God is completely in control of my life and He is completely in control of my requests and needs. 
I rest in the arms of my Heavenly Father! 


2 Thessalonians 3:1-5
"Finally brothers, pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you. And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men, for not everyone has faith. But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance."

I am another month older...

Exactly one month has past since my first day as a college student. 
I have grown up and changed already. 
I no longer have to be accountable to my parents for every decision I make, rather I am accountable solely to myself and my Heavenly Father. 


So here I sit, with a million thoughts running through my head, not exactly knowing what to think or what to do. I have tests to study for, homework to do, friends to see, books to read and people to pray for. Each day I contemplate how to be more efficient with my time and how to spend each and every moment like it's my last, truly living life to its fullest. 
Life is too short, too quick to waste it on stressful and worrisome topics; i'm through with those. 
I'm ready to jump into what God has for me, I'm ready to fully experience life and experience life in its highest form. 


I feel like a child in a large candy shop. There are so many options, so many paths I can and could take. Only one can lead me exactly where I want to be, where I want to end up; right in God's arms, knowing I ran the race and finished. I don't know what the plan is, I don't know where the path leads... but I do know MY GOD is in control and he has greater plans than I could ever imagine. 


I hate not knowing but I love being surrendered. 
I hate being scared but I love being comforted. 
I have a peace that I've never experienced before. 
I know my time is short, but I know his plan is great. 
He is my strength, My Heavenly Father watches over me and has a clear and perfect plan for me. So it doesn't matter where it goes, where it leads, what i do or who i become... as long as I'm in HIS perfect plan, all will end well. 


I have never experienced so much uncertainty in my life, 
never been so uncertain of my future, 
so confused about my decisions and so helpless for myself, 
but I have also never felt so secure in the unknown plan for me, 
felt such a peace in my heart about my life, 
embraced such a love; all of this only found in sweet surrender. 


I'm tired of living just to live...
surrendering to the unknown.
Faith in its purest form. 

I wore sunscreen.

Yesterday, I went to the beach with my dad. 
I got very burnt. 
Like to a crisp on my face and stomach. 
Aaron says I just look tan, but I was in quite a bit of pain, and still am. 
But, i wore sunscreen.


Today is July 18th. 
It is crazy how fast time has been going. 
My mother and sister come home tonight. 


I'm tired. 
I just wanted to update a little bit. 






Ok, 
facts?
1. We got new neighbors.
2. I can't tell if who actually lives there though.
3. Like 17 families keep coming in and out and staying and leaving.
4. It seems like quite a hectic life.
5. I'm glad I have my own room. 
6. I want to go to disneyland. 


So apparently Wicked opened back up. 
That's exciting. 
Maybe Aaron and I can go with some friends before I leave for college. 
It's funny though because it was called Wicked: The Musical and now it is Wicked: The Encore. 
I think that is funny because they closed the entire show and then reopened it. 
Silly people. 
I'd probably do the exact same thing because the show makes so much money. 
Money is good. 


Another family just came to the house. That makes like 23. 
Weird. 
Ok, done blogging for today. 
Adios. 

Successful Cake Making, Party Planning Day

Success.
i made the cake, helped set up the party, cleaned, picked out outfits, and helped execute a very successful party. 

I am very proud of my cake, here is the finished product. 

Around the body of the cake it says "Meagan 15" and then the top candles say "Happy Birthday" 

It was a lot of fun to make and I really enjoyed myself. 

It took about 4 hours to make, mainly because I did it all as Meagan's favorite colors, and then realized that her candle's were rainbow so I redid all the lettering to match the candles. 

All the teenagers at the party, including the adults that saw my cake think I should become a cake decorator. I think it'd be fun to do that as a side job maybe when I have kids, or in college. I think it'd be fun to make cakes on Saturdays when I don't have anything going on. 

Wow. I am exhausted. Today has been a long day. A good day. 

My favorite parts of today: 

1. Finishing the cake

2. The yummy breakfast I made myself

3. Having my devotional in my quiet house

4. Working out

5. Playing the "cheerio" game with Meg

6. Aaron laying on the couch with me as I write this blog. 

I'm pretty positive that I will like going to sleep so... 

7. SLEEPING, finally. 

Oh, and i discovered something...

Even if you pick up the dog poop a day before the party, you still have to pick it up again on the actual day of the party. 

I knew that, I just forgot today.

ha... goodnight.

The sun rises early...

I woke up at 7:00 am this morning, and I have no idea why. I couldn't go back to sleep. 
It's really early but I thought I'd update my blog on what I've done the past 2 days. 


Sunday was Meagan's 15th Birthday!! We went to Reno and along the way stopped at 4 7-eleven's because on 7/11 you get free 7.11 oz slurpees. Drinking 4 slurpees made me a bit sick... Then we went shopping at the mall and got cute clothes and I got a new bathing suit. After we shopped, we went to GSR to ride the swing, but it was CLOSED! :( Basically the whole point of going to Reno, destroyed! Then we went to Olive Garden, ate so much we almost exploded. Meg loves to read so we went to Barnes & Nobel to let our stomachs settle, and then finally we finished off at BJ's with their famous pazookie... 

  

I slept the entire way home and couldn't wake up when I got home. I honestly think I was in a sugar coma... literally. Eating that much sugar and fattening food is not normal for me and I think I just about died. 

  


Monday, I woke up and picked up my sister from swimming, like always. We hung out around the house and then I left to go hang out with Aaron. We had to stay close by his house because he was doing laundry so we ran some errands, and I got a new iPhone case! We just hung out a bit and then I went home to help my mom get dinner ready. We made baked ziti, it was tasty. 


This morning, I woke up and decided to begin on my project for the day... making Meagan's cake!! I am using fondant and everything... I've never made a formal cake that I'm trying to make perfect. We'll see how it goes!  

Burning up

My house is hot. Extremely hot. 

I think if it got one degree hotter, a fire might start. 

I love my room, but it is the worst room in the house. In the winter it is the coldest and in the summer it is the hottest. If it would switch seasons I'd be happier. 

I have iTunes money from my family for graduation but I don't know what music I want. 

Every time I buy new songs, I listen to them like twice and then go back to listening to my old music. I'm stuck in ancient music world. 

Today I am in one of those moods where I wish I could be anywhere but at my house and be doing anything but what I am doing. Probably because today is chores day. I hate chores.

I think I might like blogging about just random things in my day than one specific event. Tonight I am going to Reno POP's on the River with some friends! It should be a lot of fun! I am very excited. 

I think I'll go turn the AC on now... 

Meagan is the tiny head in the picture.

I don't like coffee

It is 5:12 pm on a Friday night/afternoon. I don't know if I would consider it to be night yet because of how light it is outside, night time usually refers to a time in which the sun has set. I realize I usually don't say night unless I'm saying "goodnight" which isn't even a word. It is spelt good night but I always say goodnight. 
I am sitting at starbucks because Aaron is at school until 7pm tonight, he gets out early today because his teacher is going to California so we are going to have dinner and go to the movies after class gets out. 
A woman just walked in to starbucks with a very young boy, i assume it was her son but they looked nothing alike. She seemed to be Indian and the boy was more of a hispanic ethnicity. She seemed so confused when she walked in, almost as if she had never been in a starbucks before. The boy knew exactly what to do and walked to the counter and ordered, she looked around and asked the barista what exactly she was supposed to tell her. The barista explained that she can have whatever type of coffee she wanted and explained the menu briefly. Seeming to be very confused the woman said she wanted the thing in the picture - a passion tea lemonade. She then stood at the counter watching the barista very intently. The barista then handed her the drink she had ordered and she looked at it with disappointment because it wasn't in the ice-cup as it showed in the picture i assume. She then walked out. 
It is sad to say, but I was completely amazed that someone could have NEVER been in a starbucks before but it makes complete since. In third world countries, they don't have starbucks... it's just a reminder of how lucky each one of us is to live in such an amazing country. 
Some random facts:
The music in here is making me have a headache.
I don't like coffee. 
I like passion tea lemonades, blended and unsweetened. 
Every time I'm order a blended passion tea lemonade, they tell me that they can't do it, but then they do. 
I guess they have superpowers. 


Ok done with that now. 
I really am bored at the moment, I'm probably not as bored as Aaron though... as he is in school at the moment. I'm glad I'm not in school. I was going to drive to borders, I wonder if their music in borders is as loud as it is in starbucks. It might be because of the spot I chose to sit in.... hmm, I think it would be weird if I just got up and moved to another table. The lady sitting near me might think it's because she smells. She doesn't. 
I'm sorry for anyone reading this blog, it is very pointless. 
I just don't have much to say, but I want to blog every day. 


The reason I blog is because I have decided that it is impossible for me to have a journal. 
I have tried and tried to journal but it NEVER works. 
Probably because my brain is so scattered. 
Also, I have this weird way of wanting to tell the back story to everything I write. 
Like somehow I will forget everything that has ever happened in my life and if I don't write it all down then I will most certainly have memory loss. My theories are a bit ironic though because I have an amazing memory and rarely forget anything. 
With a blog, I don't feel like telling my whole life stories on each page because of who might read it I guess. I don't think everyone needs an open ticket into my brain. 
But in the event of memory loss, I write down random things so maybe I can piece back together stuff. 
I also take lots of pictures so I think that would help too. 


It is now 6:00 pm. Well 6:02 pm, sorry I lied. I was going to go shopping too today, but honestly, I don't like shopping alone. I think it's boring. It's funner to shop for you and another person or at least have a second opinion incase you pick out something really ugly. I know I should be more confident in my choices, and I actually am. I just think it's really boring to shop alone. 


Today I told Aaron a few reasons of why I'm going to be a good college student. 
I'll repeat some on here:
1. I like kraft mac and cheese as long as there are shapes for the noodles. 
2. I could live on pepperoni alone. 
3. I really enjoy grocery shopping because I only get what I know I'll eat. 
4. I like eating Ramen Noodles. 
I'm probably going to get the freshman 15 because every thing I just listed deals with food, unhealthy food... hmmm. 


I've decided I like grocery shopping alone, just not clothes shopping. 

This text is purple, to match my shirt.

I didn't know you could change the color of the text until now... Actually I didn't know you could change the position of the text or put in bullets or numbers on this blog until now. I just never looked at the upper toolbar. 

Interesting. 

Purple is my favorite color, incase you didn't know. 

This is neat. 

Have a nice afternoon... Ok I guess 6:11 pm is considered night. 

Simple Trust

Today after picking my sister up from swimming, i went to get gas. My light was on for a while and I desperately needed some fuel. I went to the gas station and i began pumping my gas, as I walked back to my car I remembered I had left my purse at home. I had forgotten all my ways of paying for the gas I was pumping, and I was super embarrassed. I walked guiltily to the lady at the counter, who I am distantly familiar with because I always purchase my gas from the same gas station. I explained the situation and how far away my house was, explaining that I could leave my sister there until I came back (Meagan had already agreed to the plan). The nice lady behind the counter protested saying that it was fine and that I could just come back and pay later. She had no reason to trust me, but she did. She didn't make Meagan stay or even make me leave anything to come back for, she simply let me leave. Getting back in the car and driving home, Meagan and I talked about how easy it was for her to trust me, we didn't understand why she didn't want some kind of proof that we would come back and pay her. 
It amazes me how trusting of people we as humans are. Yes we use lots of caution but we generally trust the majority of the people surrounding us. For example, I eat out with friends quite a bit and people cook and serve us our food, it easily could be poisoned but we trustingly put the food in our mouth. 
These types of situations really make me wonder why I don't trust some people, or things more than I do. I have the hardest time trusting my Heavenly Father with simple things I would allow a human to deal with. I hold onto certain parts of my life so that God can't or won't "mess them up" or do something I wouldn't want him to do. While I can sit back and leave my car at a car shop with the keys, trusting that they will not steal my car, I can't trust my Heavenly Father to provide me with friends at school or simply keep me safe. I take my paths or ways, praying along the way asking for help, but not surrendering daily with minor (but especially major) decisions. 
Surrendering.
Probably the hardest thing for me to do. Not surrendering half-way or allowing God to have part of my plans, but completely on my face before him, in awe of his majesty and trusting him and allowing him to do whatever he wants with my life. 
Whatever HE wants, not necessarily what I want. 
I want to be honestly surrendered everyday, not just when it is convenient and when life is easy. I want to trust God more than I trust myself, I want to become like Christ who in the garden could have taken the crucifixion into his own hands but he instead trusted his Father, who knew the entire plan of what came to be, my Salvation. 
It's hard for me to not plan out my entire life and be disappointed when God changes my paths, but I need to trust him more and know that he has my best interests in mind and he knows his plans for my life. 
I shouldn't need physical proof to have God earn my trust, I just need to rely on him for anything and everything, daily. 


"Don't put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there. When they breathe their last, they return to the earth, and all their plans die with them. But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the LORD their God."
-Psalm 146:3-5, NLT