egotistical living

Last night in campus church, an amazing point was brought up by David McKinney, which brought me unexpected conviction. It's not that I haven't been convicted often lately but it was abrupt. There was nothing going wrong in my life, nothing I seemingly needed to be working on, just going through life and allowing God to slowly mold me and shape me into the woman he wants me to continue becoming. 

David turned around at one point in the message and looked at the crowd, representing the crowd in Luke 14:25 and asked us, "Why are you following me?" This question was representing what Jesus was asking each person in that situation while they were walking on his journey, but for some reason this question struck me in a way that stung, abruptly and it was entirely unanticipated. 

While examining myself I’ve realized, the times are not often when I sit down and praising God just because He is God. I thank Him constantly for MY salvation, MY health, MY family, MY school, MY this, MY that… I even go to the extent of thanking Him for being Him, because I get benefit out of that. YES, God is majestic and I reap the benefits of His majesty due to the gift of salvation He has so GRACIOUSLY bestowed upon me, BUT that is entirely beside the point.

My quiet times, or priority times, with the Lord should not be based on ME, and how He can change ME and mold ME into who he wants ME to be at all, they should actually be entirely focused on HIM and allowing myself to be completely surrendered to HIM in all circumstances. Making myself nothing and HIM everything.

It always seems that when I’m in the midst of a tough situation I have the most AMAZING quiet times! It just so happens that when I talk my head off to God Almighty and he’s there to listen and whisper a few encouraging words my way, I continue along my little path feeling renewed and refreshed. But that is exactly the problem! My SAVIOR is NOT a chat room where I can just pour out my problems and get a solution… he desires so much more of me. There has been so much lost in this generation of “Jesus is my homeboy” and “God is my best friend” YES, Jesus is my best friend who I can confide anything in (mostly because he already knows everything, but that’s beside the point…) He is first and foremost my Savior and my Lord, the King of my life. He needs to be first in my life! Above myself, above my desires, my family, my friends… Life is so self-centered and I’m tired of living in that manner. It is time to listen to the conviction of my heart and live for the only One who matters most, the Lord of the Universe, and the Master of my soul.